We've uncovered evidence of an insidious plot, based in the celebrity community, to resurrect an evil demon (the reason for the spread of HIV, the decline of Western culture, and worst of all the popularity of disco, actually) that we trapped in an underground chamber in Harlem in 1979, and so I've sent out my men to prevent this from happening. Michael, he was in on it, and after we got the info we needed, we made sure he wouldn't talk. Billy Mays was killed in retribution by an enemy agent. Farrah Fawcett just died of ass cancer, may her soul rest in peace. But the centerpiece, Lord Hindol's High Lieutenant Commander in charge of Mortal Realm operations, we haven't been able to catch her yet. We hear she's in England, or will be by July 13, but given Hindol's, ahem, "bent for security", we're not going to get at her unless we get her battle plans, and that's unlikely until we infiltrate her cyber-fortress.

So what can you do? Be on the lookout. Anything too suspicious, sudden spikes in homosexuality or 1970s nostalgia would be examples, and you'd best report it. Oh, and make sure not to use any cocaine or crack. She's laced the cocaine supply with a mind control agent that will turn you into her pawn (marijuana is OK). Oh, and any advice on the plan will be accepted based on its merits (the most likely current suggestion involves Drew Pickles and Yukkuri, but Yukkuri are so hard to gather...)

Operation Card-Counter is go.

UPDATE 7-3-09 5:46 PM
Miku Hatsune has been kidnapped. Her whereabouts are currently unknown, though we are currently moving at full speed to locate her.

UPDATE 7-4-09 5:02 PM
Steve McNair is dead, in an incident possibly related to Hindol's plot. No further information is available at this time.