The Duck Division, responsible for recently hacking multiple Newgrounds moderators, are simply Hindol's grunts. Nothing but a distraction from the grand scheme, the Dysangol conspiracy. If Hindol thinks he can distract me with a bunch of "cl0nZX-and-Copycat" tricks, he desperately needs to think again, this time without huffing a whole 2-liter's worth of jenkem gas first.

Anyway, it doesn't matter now. The Council and the intelligence agencies have at last given me permission to divulge some truly secret information about our enemy. Note that this information is the key to the whole conspiracy, and includes the identity of some key players on the enemy's side. The fact that the leadership is willing to share this information with the public at this early stage is a sign of their devotion to openness, a devotion which, if things were right in the world, would be at least matched if not exceeded by the republics of this world.

First of all, you know how I said early on that this was based in the celebrity community? Faulty intelligence. Only a small percentage of the agents are famous. The High Lieutenant Commander happens to be famous, but her fame is not her own. Rather it is a gift from Hindol, in celebration of the sale of her soul and of her long dedicated service. According to the most recent reports, Steve McNair, too, was a Hindolist agent, and his girlfriend found out about the Dysangol conspiracy and moved to prevent it the only way she could. Most of the willing agents in this realm, however, are either celebrities or closely involved with celebrities. So without a moment more in hesitation, here's the profiles of some of the enemies.

Hindol: The bigwig, the top dog, the kingpin, the head honcho, the evil mastermind behind this whole plan. If it's bad, and it's happened in the last 10,000 years (meaning everything bad in human civilization, and some of the unfortunate events from before anyone figured out irrigation), you can bet he's at the epicenter. Like me, Hindol is immortal to the ravages of time, and unless he has agreed to leave the world in a battle, death by weapon is only temporary for him. Because he is not currently in this dimension, he acts solely through agents for this mission (some of which are willing, others are under mind control), but rest assured, it's all him.

Lady Gaga: The High Lieutenant Commander in charge of operations in this dimension. She's in charge of making the Dysangol resurrection go smoothly. She began selling her soul to Hindol at a young age. Piece by piece Hindol has gained parts of her mind and soul as she went ever farther into stardom and the music industry, in a manner similar to that in which Hindol sold his own long ago as he desired more and more power. As she sold her soul she rose ever higher in his esteem, and is now in constant contact with him, sometimes directly but other times through different messengers. And yes, by "Lady Gaga" I mean the one who sings Poker Face!

Dysangol: You don't want to deal with this guy. After defeating him in 1979 I went into a coma for 10 years, until I left that body behind to get a fresh start on life. He was imprisoned in Harlem, which is now a community of crack addicts (hence Gaga's decision to put the mind control agent in the cocaine supply). He is also Hindol's former overall second-in-command, and the most dangerous demon I ever battled. Hindol's entire operation right now is engaged in resurrecting this demon.

Khêrnak: Lady Gaga's dragon. Yes, like all evil sub-bosses, she has a pet dragon.

Cocaine & Crack: Don't let me catch you using this shit. As of now all known cocaine supplies in the Western world contain a potent mind control agent that turns you into Hindol's servant, and that mind control is only made worse when cocaine is modified into crack.

As usual, the precautions against American cheese, ranch dressing, and Dr. Pepper are in full effect, but then again when are they not? Shit's evil, don't touch it. Use Cheddar, blue cheese dressing, and Mountain Dew instead.