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SoulMaster71
Many folk like to know beforehand what is to be set on the table; but those who have laboured to prepare the feast like to keep their secret; for wonder makes the words of praise louder.

Age 33, Male

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People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals

Posted by SoulMaster71 - July 21st, 2009


As you all know, People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) doesn't much like KFC. They also, as is well known, oppose McDonald's. For years, it was thought by those sympathetic to their goals that this was all based in their desire to help animals, and by the opposition it was hypothesized to be connected to their zoophilia. But across the interdimensional border, a report was just released by the Kanatória Intelligence Agency that refutes both these claims.

PETA is working for Hindol.

Ronald McDonald and the spirit that on Earth took the form of Colonel Sanders, they are our vanguard commanders. More specifically, when intelligence agents sense that a dimension of sentient beings is about to come under direct assault from the Enemy (Hindol's master, most of you might know him better as Satan), one or both of them go into the realm and keep an eye on things, making sure the Enemy doesn't get out of hand while we are yet unprepared. While I (like most of the Council) strongly prefer Sanders' focus on using the proper methods to protect the people from the Enemy's plots to the clown's battle philosophy of getting as much power as possible and then directing it against the Enemy (no matter what he has to do to get the power), I will not deny that serving with either or both of them is an honor. They are amazing at what they do.

Hindol, of course, can't stand their work, and he hates both of them personally. But he cannot outright kill them: he has no way to do that, since either of their deaths would only be temporary like his or mine, and he has no way to reach either of them anyway. Neither can he break their forces or sabotage their work from within: the inner circles of both commanders' units are too close to the commanders themselves, and too loyal to their task and their people, to be anything less than perfectly vigilant against sabotage, betrayal, and double agents. So the best he can do is mobilize fooled or mind-controlled citizens of this world into battle in an attempt to reduce the efficacy of their efforts, and mask the movement with "animal rights" language.

In other, more positive news:
Due to his efforts in the Blackjack Phase of Operation Card-Counter, SCTE3 has been awarded the Order of the Spear, First Class. As the first of his kind to take a field command part in a Kanatórian operation, SCTE3 managed to singlehandedly chase off Hindol and liberate the imprisoned Miku Hatsune. He is an example of courage and honor rarely seen in his people, and should be held up as a gold standard to them. Similarly, SlntCobra1 was awarded the Order of the Spear, Second Class. SlntCobra1 engaged in a standoff against two armed, armored transdikon warriors at the opening of Blackjack Phase, and lived to tell the tale. There are few in this realm who could say such a thing truthfully.


Comments

what is this i dont even

Tell me, how are things in Phuket City?

Wait, what?

Long story short: Demon king trying to take over the world again, I'm trying to stop him.

can i join squad?

Let's see... Your favorite art includes 2 Sides by RedEyesAssassin, whose favorite art submission is Queen Peach by tiffunee. One of tiffunee's other works is inspired by a Lady Gaga song and uses it to spit in the face of Nintendo characters (probably an unintentional insult, but with Gaga being pure evil and all, it's insulting nonetheless). But I guess a similar progression can lead from any of us to evil, no? Still, I have no idea who you are, and it's up to the Colonel and the Clown to decide if someone can enter the vanguard forces.

Wait, when did I face two armed, armored transdikon warriors? This is the first I've heard of it, let alone the Order of the Spear, Second Class. I have no clue what they are.

That hit on the head really was something, wasn't it Slnt? You came with us, took on two transdikoni, killed them both, one fell on your head and you got amnesia about the whole mission. I don't blame you: those things are heavy, even more so with armor.

Why do kids like cinnamon toast crunch?

Because of the cinnamon-sugar swirls in every bite!

wow.. you are the first person to actually answer that correctly. im going to have to give you a prize or something

saw your reply. All porn is stupid.

Maybe if you can get laid, but unfortunately I'm a fat, neckbearded white who is only interested by things that few or no human females enjoy. At least, none of the ones I know. Seriously, have you tried to find a girl lately? They're all either transdikoni (some in stealth mode, but that only fools morons), overachievers who care only about school, or idiots who want dumb jocks. I play Zelda and Touhou, they want guys who play football and baseball. I spend 5-8 hours out of every 24 on the Internet and frequent Newgrounds and certain imageboards (4chan is not one of them), they want guys who spend one hour a day tops on the Internet and use MySpace, Facebook, Twitter, whatever's popular with the Web 2.0 crowd.

That leaves me with four choices: abstinence, self-modification to their standards, surrender to the Dark Lord Hindol and relations with the transdikon menace, or masturbation. I'm too weak for the first; sexual pleasure is a part of my daily routine now as it has been since 2005. The second is unlikely as well: I tried out for football Freshman year of high school, and was cut before the season started because I just wasn't into it. The third will not happen as long as I am myself, which for your purposes is longer than time itself, because I know where Hindol's path leads. That leaves masturbation as the only truly viable option, and almost as soon as I started masturbating I realized that it was a Hell of a lot easier when looking at sexually arousing images, that is, with porn.

TL;DR: I like porn because I can't get laid.

i hate anyone who opposes of mcdonalds. so peta jst shoulkd leave mcdonalds alone! why not oppose bullfighting for god's sake!!!

Yeah, PETA is gay. Really, really gay. Like, you know what would happen if George Michael hosted an orgy in the gayest district of San Francisco and 1000 homosexuals, including Elton John and the ghost of Freddie Mercury, showed up? That, times 69, and then squared. Honestly why people give a shit about the lives of dumb animals who can't even consider their own existence is beyond me.